Day zero

This was the day. Today I had my dear cat, my darling girl, put to sleep. It was gentle and quick. She was so beautiful lying there after her last breath, the stress and pain were gone from her body. My heartache is too raw today, the house too empty. I will process all of this in time.

Funny how my life has been so steeped in grief. I’ve been grieving the death of my father, the murder of my brother, and the death of my dear Mike. And now I add Miss Kitty to the mix. I’ve been going to a grief support group and doing a lot of reading on sorrow and healing over the past couple of years. There are still more questions than answers. It probably will always be that way.

On this sad, sad day, there are two things that I have seen clearly for the first time.

One is the realization that I have held God responsible for what happens in my life—I shake my fist at Him and ask Him how He can allow such terrible things to happen. Yet, I go to this same God for comfort, I trust Him to carry me through this tumultuous life that He brought about.

My second thought is that today is the day Eva died. Tomorrow will be day one, one day after the day she died. I’ll take it one day at a time.